Building Up Men in a Tear-down Society

In the fifth book of the classic series, Anne of Green Gables, Anne’s nearest neighbor interjects into her conversations the recurring phrase, “Just like a man.” I chuckled when I read that. Evidently men bashing has been happening for decades.

I’m concerned because I believe our society is now reaping the unintended harvest of all those humorous and not so humorous comments about men. It’s not merely the comments either. Ever since Mrs. Banks donned her suffragette sash in Mary Poppins, women have angled for independence, equality, and value, and have been known to retaliate against the hurt they’ve experienced from men’s choices and mistakes.

You might think men do have their flaws–lots of flaws!

At times, it was a necessary battle. Some men, many men, have treated women as inferior beings, somewhere between a slave and a dog. Men have pressed their physical prowess to take advantage of women sexually. Women have not had equal opportunity to express themselves and use their God-given gifts. Many men, even Christian men have failed to “love your wives just as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25).”

In their efforts to be recognized and valued, and to overcome personal woundedness, women have inadvertently pushed men to the sidelines. And many of our guys are finally moving off-stage, letting the ladies have the limelight. We see it in the form of absent fathers, a shortage of pastors, and now, men taking on the role and gender of women. Why? In our culture, it’s just not cool to be a man.

How should women respond?

Ladies, I hear your heart for desiring recognition and value. I feel your pain from what has happened to you personally. But the way we’ve responded is not God’s plan for us. The Bible tells us to encourage one another and build each other up. Men need encouragement and cultivating as much as women do. And it’s not fair to project the sins of a few men on an entire gender.

You might be thinking, “I’m not bashing my guys.” Many of us don’t mean to be knocking our men down. It happens in subtle ways and side comments. For example, have you noticed that most Mother’s Day sermons honor women, but Father’s Day sermons tell the dads how they could be doing a better job? Or we’ve often heard the quote from Merryl Frost, “Behind every great man is a strong woman.” Why not equal the playing field and speak as much about the value of men? Let’s try this instead:, “Behind every great man is another great man”?

Consider this: why mention gender at all? Why not merely quote Isaac Newton who said, ““If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants”?

Let’s be different.

Let’s change tactics and show how tough and strong we are by using our strength to build up the men in our lives.

How?

First ask yourself these questions:

• How am I unintentionally tearing down the men in my life?
• Do I criticize unnecessarily?
• Do I refuse their help because, I reason, I don’t want to be treated as weak?
• Do I sideline them in my push for equality or even superiority?
• Do I make jokes at their expense that give that subtle message “You’re dumb, you’re weak, you aren’t needed?”
• Have I taken the sins of one man against me and generalized it to a character flaw in all men?
• In my quest to do the work of a man, including spiritual leadership, am I denying them the privilege and opportunity of using their gifts and fulfilling their God-given calling?

Pray, asking God to show you how you need to change some habits.

Encourage your guy by asking these strengthening questions:

• Could you help me with something?
• Can you give me your perspective about an issue?
• What would you do?
• Can you show me how you do this task?
• Would you pray for me?

And then, ladies, listen. Without arguing. I know. That’s hard. But if we intend to build our guys up, arguing knocks down our efforts faster than a two-year-old demolishing a freshly built block tower.

Add in these affirming statements.

• “Good job.”
• “You would be good at that.”
• “I enjoyed working with you on this project.”
• “Good insight.”
• “You can do this.”

And if they argue with you, ignore it. They’re processing. And it will take them awhile to believe that someone means the encouraging words they say.

A note to the men:

If you’re a guy reading this, ask God to show you how you have caved to the current societal belief system, and how you have failed to model godly manliness to the women and other men in your life. Determine to fight against society’s deception that you are no longer important or needed.

And for all of us:

In the days surrounding Father’s Day, let’s think of the men we encounter most throughout each day. Today, ask yourself:

• How can I encourage a man I know to be the man God has called them to be?
• How can I step to the side so they can have the limelight I’ve been fighting to have?
• If they are flawed in ways that have hurt me, how can I offer grace and affirm them as men who are trying to be the best they can be for God?

Did you come up with answers and ideas? Do it! Your encouragement and affirmation might be the best gift they get on Father’s Day this year.