How does living in God’s light change our relationships?
We’ve come to the section of Ephesians that many Christians dread to study because it talks about women being submissive to their husbands. As we have with each topic we’ve discussed so far, let’s look at our relationships with each other in context of the larger framework of Ephesians.
In this section of our online study of the book of Ephesians, we’ll be studying Ephesians 5:21-6:9. We’ll discuss how Christ rebuilds our relationships through the concept of submission.
Watch the Session 7 video here.
What is submission?
Let’s get a couple of things straight.
Submission is NOT inequality. Nowhere does the Bible say that women are inferior to men; in fact, quite the opposite! Galatians 3:28 says:
“There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”
We are all one in Christ. Moreover, Jesus and Paul held women in higher regard than the culture of their day did. Women are equal with men. For that matter children are not inferior to parents and slaves are not inferior to their masters. Christ has leveled the playing field.
Remember what we learned in Ephesians 2? The side benefit of being reconciled to God is that we also are reconciled to each other. Now that we are in Christ, we relate to each other in very different ways.
Paul is establishing the parameters of the chain of authority. As one of my husband’s Bible college professors once said, “someone has to be in charge.” Someone has to make the final decision. The chain of authority must exist in the church with Christ at the top and elders and pastors at mid-level management to oversee and care for the flock. In an ideal government, there must be a chain of command to keep order, protect the righteous, and punish the wicked. Parents need to direct their children. Employers see the bigger picture of a business so of course, need to be the ones who direct those under them. Without a chain of command, anarchy would reign. It’s true in households as well. So, between two people within a household, one must be the point person and God has chosen and gifted the man to do the job. Lucky him!
When is it easy for you to submit to authority? In what situation do you find it difficult to submit to others?
Ladies, you may chafe at this and want to disagree with me. I stand aside. This is what the Bible says. But don’t stop reading. Push on to what Paul says next and think about this.
If Paul was into making the lives of ladies miserable, he would have stopped with, wives be submissive. But he doesn’t. He puts the brunt of the relationship responsibility on husbands.
Read Ephesians 3:21-33
- What responsibility do husbands have toward their wives?
- What kind of love are they to have for their wives?
A husband must sacrifice his own desires in order to care for his family. He must be concerned about both her physical needs and her spiritual well-being. He must care for her so well that she looks wonderful inside and out to the rest of the world. Downright radiant! He must leave all other pursuits and be of one mind and one purpose with his wife. Her spiritual maturity and purity is HIS responsibility!
If a guy loved and cared for a woman that much, submission would be so much easier. And, come to think of it, that level of sacrifice takes tremendous submission on his part. Think of how much he must give up in order to love her like Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it.
Let’s make it real
Did God really mean that men are to be the sole breadwinners and women have to stay at home? Does this mean men have to oversee the finances? That women must be compliant with everything a man tells them to do?
Be very careful of the “did God really mean” questions. That’s the kind of deceptive nit-picking Satan used to lure Eve out of the garden. As we have seen throughout the book of Ephesians and what we also see in Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, God is looking at a prevailing, over-arching attitude.
- A husband might delegate the finances to the wife because, frankly, she’s more gifted in accounting.
- It might be necessary for the wife to work outside the home and she may even be the primary breadwinner.
- As a couple ages, the husband may fall into ill health such that the wife must make daily decisions.
In each of these examples, the wife can still show respect and honor for her husband as the one who must give an account to God for the people God has placed under him.
- How does the Bible’s view of submission run counter to the world’s view?
- How have groups and individuals corrupted the Bible’s original intent?
- What should a wife do if her husband doesn’t love her sacrificially? What should a husband do if a wife is defiant?
It is never our place to demand love or submission. No relationship is perfect. All of us are striving toward a balance and proper attitude toward each other. Give each other lots of grace and YOU be responsible for what God has told YOU to do. You cannot use your spouse’s lack of responsibility as an excuse to slack off yourself.
Attitude vs. Action
What is Paul really getting at? Look at Paul’s instructions in light of the rest of the Bible. Remember Ephesians 4:2,3:
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
If both sides of a relationship, marriage or otherwise, committed themselves each day to following the guidelines of these two verses, submission and sacrificial love would be far easier tasks.
If each Christian placed themselves under the authority of Christ, how would that impact their various relationships?
What’s the bottom line?
All relationships start with Jesus. Seek to honor Him first and foremost in everything you do. If your heart’s desire is to love, honor, and defer to him, you will find it more natural to treat those around you with respect, humility, and love.
The over-arching principle of this section of Ephesians is this. Christians treat each other differently. We treat each other with love and respect. Women work with their husbands, not against them. Husbands love and care for their wives instead of pursuing their own desires. Children respect their parents’ teaching and parents are not harsh with their children. Servants and employees work hard for their masters/employers and in turn, their overseers treat them equitably and kindly, caring about them as people more than about the work they’ll get out of them.
We think about others more than ourselves and we respect and abide by the need for lines of authority that will build us up and guide us to a closer faith-walk with Jesus.
When we do these things, we’ll live in the light and shine as bright stars in a darkened world.
More from the book of Ephesians:
Session 6: Ephesians 4:17-5:20
Excellent study on these verses In Ephesians!! I have never liked Ephesians 5:22 as I grew up with a tyrant stepfather who mistreated my sister and I physically, emotionally and mentally!! Our mom was very meek and had no self esteem!! She was under his control and she didn’t stand up for us!! He abused her also ! I was determined that no man would ever control me so that submit part in Ephesians 5:22 really bothered me! Jesus was speaking to me through your words!! Thank you for helping me to understand these verses the way Christ would have me understand them!! I have been married to a wonderful Christian, loving, and tender man for 37 years. I need to repent for not being the wife Christ would have me be because I couldn’t be submissive. Thank you for this study and your beautifully written Bible studies!!
I am so glad that your husband demonstrates the love of Christ to you. That is a kind of submssion as well, for it takes sacrifice to put others before our own desires. And I’m grateful for the Lords’ healing in your life!
Karen, Thank for beautifully expressing that the wife is to submit to her husband. Early in my Christian faith I struggled with being obedient to submit. I found, though, over time as I trusted my Lord more and more, I obeyed and submitted to my husband’s leadership under Christ. Submitting was a command, and I wanted to be obedient. I realized that submitting to my husband was actually an act of trust in my Lord. I started praying to Jesus that the Holy Spirit would give my husband wisdom in decisions. Then I trusted Jesus to lead him, and I would trust Jesus that He would work in my husband’s life. It wasn’t easy, but my being obedient was more important. As he has grown in the Lord, he makes very wise decisions for our household and family. Obedience and trusting in my Lord caused our marriage relationship to blossom into something very precious to God and us. I am most grateful for the command to submit.
Thank you for this beautiful testimony of how to trust the Lord when we do what He has asked us to do!